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Steve Martorano 

The Behavioral Corner is produced in partnership with Retreat Behavioral Health -- where healing happens.

The Behavioral Corner 

Hi, and welcome. I'm Steve Martorano. And this is the Behavioral Corner; you're invited to hang with us, as we've discussed the ways we live today, the choices we make, the things we do, and how they affect our health and wellbeing. So you're on the corner, the Behavioral Corner, please hang around a while. 

Steve Martorano 

Hey, everybody, how are you? Welcome once again, to The Behavioral Corner, you recognize me I hang out on the corner for a living. My name is Steve Martorano. What we do here on The Behavioral Corner, is talk about behavioral health, which is an enormous topic. Simply, our behavioral health is made up of everything that affects us: the choices we make, the way we live our lives, and how that all impacts our emotional, physical, and even spiritual health. So that's the Corner that's what we do. We are partnered with Retreat Behavioral Health are great partner, you'll learn more about them straight ahead. Very frequently on the Corner, what we do is bring in folks who have literally been there, done that. And we do that. Because it's important, very important to emphasize that, no matter how large the problem of substance abuse is, and it is large, no matter how sometimes it seems intractable. Other times, it leads many times to a loss of life. There are stories of recovery there. And there are millions of them. There are millions of people that are living in long-term sobriety after struggling with substance abuse. It's important to remind people of that. To that end, we welcome to The Behavioral Corner, our guest for this episode, Garry Moore. Hi, Gary, thanks for joining us.

Garry Moore 

Glad to be here. Thank you.

Steve Martorano 

You're one of those been there done those guys? I'm very fond of saying and I've said it again and again, that all stories of substance abuse and recovery are the same except they're different. We're grateful to have you join us with your different story. Tell us a little bit about yourself. How old are you? Where'd you grow up?

Garry Moore 

I'm 51. I currently live down the eastern shore of Maryland. But growing up, I lived in northern Maryland, the Baltimore County area up up in the sticks. And I just you know, I was born in 70. So I lived through the 70s and 80s with my parents were bikers. So I think it's probably not necessary to say that there was a lot of rowdiness, plenty and plenty of substances to check out and try when I was you know, a teenager. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, yeah. Wow. I mean, we were more or less joking before we got on the, on the air here today. And I said, "Well, I know your story is your story. If you were raised by missionaries in Africa, that's going to be a different kind of story." Well, this is a different kind of story. Raised by bikers. Were they part of like, an outlaw motorcycle group, or just recreational bikers?

Garry Moore 

No, they were beyond recreational. You know, it was definitely their lifestyle. But they never really joined the gang. To tell the truth, they're...both of my parents passed away. So this is not going to cause them any harm. But they, as I said, they partied all the time, but they also grew pot and...and sold that to kind of fuel their adventures. So to that extent, my dad was definitely associated with some of the gangs, but was never, you know, that just wasn't his thing.

Steve Martorano 

Not a joiner good. It shouldn't come as any surprise that you might have wound up abusing substances. Incidentally, I apologize for not mentioning at the outset, that Gary who has obviously a colorful story about how he wound up abusing substances is about to celebrate three years of sobriety. So by the way, no mean feat, and congratulations, keep up the good work.

Garry Moore 

Thank you.

Steve Martorano 

We're going to leave here today with I hope a sense people go well if that dude can get straight. maybe I got a shot. But how about siblings? Did you have brothers and sisters?

Garry Moore 

I did a lot. And we lived on a farm. So you know, I grew up relatively isolated. I mean, I had friends and that kind of thing, but definitely spent a lot of time alone for sure.

Steve Martorano 

You know, it's interesting when you talk to people who were raised in similar circumstances way more middle class and I guess typical than yours, which is exotic. Let's face it. You Even they will say, very often, my parents drank not to access. But, you know, they drank liquor in the house. There would be adult parties all the time where adult beverages were served. And so a kind of normalcy surrounded alcohol for these people growing up, it didn't seem dangerous or exotic. And then they wound up having a problem. You got that story in spades. I mean, there must have been a time very early on when you just thought everybody grew pot, everybody got loaded, and everybody partied, right?

Garry Moore 

Pretty much other than my grandparents lived on the same farm, but you know, the houses are somewhat spread apart. So they were somewhat of a mitigating influence on, you know, the direction in which I was headed. That said, otherwise, you know, they're hard workers. They went to work all the time. Of course, some of that was aided by chemicals, so to speak. But yeah, they, there was a lot of partying going on. So...

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. And you were...you...it was never kept away from you, it was just part of your lifestyle, right?

Garry Moore 

It was, and especially when I was younger, before I was an adolescent, it terrified me that at some point, my parents were going to end up, you know, in jail, you know, the 70s and 80s, that during the Reagan years in particular, when it was just saying no, they were actually asking you to turn in anybody, including your parents. You know, meantime, my parents are driving around with a vehicle that has a big pot leaf bumper sticker that says end the prohibition. So now, it was no secret.

Steve Martorano 

The anxiety level for a young kid must have been pretty high. I mean, there are your folks, you could recognize their lifestyle was a little different than other people's. You think...do you think that anxiety contributed to your drifting into that into substance abuse?

Garry Moore 

Absolutely. I realized that you know, somewhat early on when I was in my 20s, I guess, but I did nothing about it. You know, I sort of thought, well, this is, you know, this is the way it is you drink, you party. That's, that's the lifestyle. It wasn't until recently, really since...since my time at Retreat and 2019 that I've had the ability to sort of clear-headed, look back and see what was going on -- how it was affecting me as a kid. And like you said, it definitely caused a lot of anxiety. Because, you know, not knowing whether mom and dad were going to come home at all. They had plenty of accidents. I rode with them when you know, either one of them was so drunk the drove off the road, I'd have to yell. Yeah, a little bit anxious.

Steve Martorano 

It wasn't Ozzie and Harriet that, that's for sure.

Garry Moore 

And it sounds...I don't want to just simply disparage my parents. They love me very much. There's no question about it. That's true. That's the way they lived. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, there's no conflict there. I know. It's confusing to people, but you certainly can have a loving relationship with your child. And it kind of seemed to me steadiness. You know, you went to work and did a lot and also have a dangerous lifestyle. Right, a reckless and dangerous lifestyle. Can I ask how your parents passed away?

Garry Moore 

Substance abuse in both cases.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. 

Garry Moore 

My mom had an aneurysm. She and I had not been speaking for it was about a year or so. And then, you know, I got a call that she was unconscious and had an aneurysm at Hopkins in Baltimore. So the last time I saw my mom, she was unconscious. And I hadn't talked to her in a year. So that was, there's some pretty heavy guilt associated with that. My dad's story had a tremendously positive outcome. Obviously, it's not easy losing a loved one. But what he did was pretty amazing. You know, they, as I said, they both partied all the time. Eventually, as they got older, they weren't going to bars and that kind of thing, not as much, but my dad in particular drank, you know, starting in the morning throughout the day. And so, around 2000 I got a call that he had fallen and had a brain hemorrhage and they didn't expect him to leave the hospital. Then when he did leave the hospital they said don't expect him to live longer than a year. He had severe liver damage, you know, as a result of accidents and obviously to substance abuse yet Hep C. But not only did he go on to live beyond the year, but he also became involved in AA in his area and went on for nine years. He was nine years sober when he finally passed away from substance abuse But during that nine years, and particularly towards the end, it was a big help within his fellowship within that community, he was very sick, and he was often in quite a bit of pain. Nonetheless, he would go and pick up that person who didn't have rights in the meeting, he would go to that meeting where he knew someone was having an anniversary to support that person, and, you know, be there with the fellowship to celebrate. So a huge turnaround, maybe, maybe not in time, as far as you know, and living on and so forth. But you know, his grandkids really knew him as a sober person, you know, they really never knew the man that I did that I grew up with.

Steve Martorano 

That's a remarkable turn of events. During that period, when dad decided to get sober, were you in active use at that point?

Garry Moore 

I was. I attempted sobriety, honestly, a number of times throughout that period, and I get eight months and then relapse, I'd you know, get maybe a little over a year. And the same thing. There was some guilt for me because I knew my dad was doing this. He obviously knew I had a problem. He never pushed me, to get myself straight. You know, that's, we all know, you can't push them to do that into sobriety, it just doesn't work that way. But nonetheless, I, despite the things that I did, that were counter to what my dad was doing, you know, was and I am tremendously proud, of what he did. And so, and I'm grateful that, you know, it's never too late. So, I'm grateful that I did learn from him, you know, in his experiences, and I apply that in my sobriety, you know,

Steve Martorano 

Let's...let's talk about, I mean, I know there's no real good answer to this, but you...you decided at some point that what you were doing wasn't working anymore. You've seen both...both your parents passed away as a result of substance abuse, and then you make this decision to get to a treatment facility. Do you...do you remember that moment, when you went, I got to do something else?

Garry Moore 

Somewhat, at that point, I was drinking vodka on a daily basis. You know, starting in the morning, I had to have it when I got up. And it...and I was doing a fairly good job of hiding it from people, you know, people close to me. But there came a point, and this has happened anytime in the past when I've gone you know, to get help. My alcoholism, my disease, causes me to want to die. To not be around anymore. When I drink I get to a place in my head where I know what I'm doing is wrong. I've seen the results of what happens from alcoholism, you know, upfront and close already explained. But for me what happened that last time I was very fortunate to have a friend who went to Retreat, reach out...or so my family reached out to him. I had been to rehab when I was 19 I didn't have a whole lot of faith in it because I thought once you get out you know, you've got to do what you got to do. But what I heard from my friend and family members was at this place was you know, to get yourself sober, but also to work on mental health issues. And being suicidal, it was pretty easy for me to understand that I had mental health issues in addition to you know, alcoholism addiction. And so, and honestly, I heard that the campus was beautiful and there were lots of trees and sitting in nature. I'm a woodworker and I have a love for trees and that nature in general so that was another thing that drew me to it but it honestly it wasn't that difficult of a decision you know, I was I needed to do something or I was gonna die. I was gonna...

Steve Martorano 

That will tend to focus your attention when you understand that the alternative is...is a dead end. Had as you made suicide attempts prior to this?

Garry Moore 

I don't know I guess you could call it an attempt. After my dad passed away. I had been on...at that point...I'm an amputee. I lost my leg in a construction accident in 1997 and had it amputated and '99. That was when oxycontin was becoming the thing, you know that it was being pushed by the manufacturers. And so I was sort of a guinea pig for that. Over the years, I kind of stopped for a while and then get back into it. But around the time my dad died, I was very much strung out on oxycodone, you know, I was buying it, stealing it, getting it however I could. And all the while drinking. Also during that period, a doctor put me on an antidepressant, that doctor, however, was a, he got shut down for overprescribing. It was basically a pill mill. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah.

Garry Moore 

So all the stuff that I was taking, all of a sudden, I couldn't get it anymore. So I quit that stuff, cold turkey, including antidepressants, and went into a period of psychosis. I, at one point, I was running from the cops at the time, because I had a DWI. And then after that, I hit and run on a suspended license. So I was in this hotel. I was out of my head. I went up on the roof and sat on sort of the parapet on the edge with my back facing, you know, away from the roof. With a loaded 357 In my mouth. And, you know, it's the weirdest thing my...I guess you can say the moment of clarity that brought me out of that was -- and this is just crazy thinking -- but this is where I was, it started raining a little bit. And I was worried about the gun getting rusted. So...

Steve Martorano 

Is that right? 

Garry Moore 

Yeah, it sounds obviously very strange. But uh, but that's what happened. That's just, that's how far out of my head I was.

Steve Martorano 

Did you have a family during no at this point in time, but you have...married? Do you have kids?

Garry Moore 

I did. My wife at the time we got married in 1997. Three months later, my accident happened where I lost my leg. You know, it was kind of rough from the start. I have a son and a daughter. My daughter's 20 son's 24. So to some extent, they grew up around some of the stuff that I, you know, there was...there was drinking pretty much all the time, it was, you know, just kind of what we did. I'm very grateful that despite all of the things that I did that harmed or could have caused serious harm to my kids and to my family, despite all that, they're great people. Both are in college and doing well.

Steve Martorano 

That's great. Let's, let's talk a little bit about the everybody's situation in treatment is different. And certainly, everybody's path to maintaining sobriety is different. You know you know how it works. If it works, it's good. If this is helping you then it's good by definition. But you mentioned that you had you know, co-occurring mental health situations going on. When you start to, you know, on this road to sobriety, and you're, you know, you're not using, you still, I guess suffering from clinical depression, right?

Garry Moore 

Yes, what happened was, when I...when I went to Retreat, they confirmed that some of the diagnoses that already had PTSD, you know, major depression, anxiety, which obviously those conditions will exacerbate or cause it. But Retreat was where I really started to recognize and accept that I had, you know, pretty significant mental illness. And so, once I left Retreat, the things that I learned there and the turnaround that I experienced there, and you know, the turnaround in my behavior and so forth, allowed me to continue my care, my mental health maintenance, and not too long after, after seeing several psychiatrists, they determined that I was bipolar, and began treatment on that, and it's helped a lot, you know, coming back from retreat and being sober and working on my sobriety, and I still I had all this crazy stuff going on my head, you know, couldn't focus I'd become very angry and that kind of thing. So that's yeah, again, when it became pretty clear that I had some mental health to take care

Steve Martorano 

First of all, abusers have to come to that insight them themselves, but the general population that that's just observing this stuff, I don't think quite yet understands that the behavior, the abuse of the whatever the substance is, is a manifestation of something else that's going on that it isn't addressed, you're going to wind up in trouble. Now you've got three years coming in, in a month. So I mean, that's, that's a considerable length of time, some of the skills that you've picked up now that help you maintain your sobriety. Could you elaborate on this? I mean, a couple of the things I've read was, that it's important for someone in recovery, to develop good communication skills. In other words, being able to tell people what's going on? Do you find that to be true?

Garry Moore 

Absolutely, you know, from family and friends to the medical folks to psychiatrists, the therapist, family, friends, my sponsor, you know, if I'm not honest with, with any of them, it's not going to work out what's happened, for me, and for which I'm so grateful is the support system, that I've obviously contributed to it but other people saw me, you know, I was trying to, to make things better and be sober. And I got support from them. So to me, that's a critical part of it. I can't stay sober or sane, without help from other people. So...

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, let's talk a little...a couple, just a couple of other items about skills. Problem-solving is a skill that has to be developed. If you're going to maintain sobriety means, in the past, most substance abusers solve their problems by getting high or drunk, you find that you're obviously better at solving problems now than when you are using, right?

Garry Moore 

Yeah, absolutely. And kind of beyond just not drinking or not taking drugs. Is that. you know, it's, it's more than that it's a spiritual thing. And some...and it's, I guess, the biggest thing of it that people should be aware of is you...you have to maintain that. And so part of that maintenance for me was to not react quickly to things, particularly bad things that are going on, you know. It's like, alright, take a step back. You know, think about it, maybe meditate, clear ahead and think about it again. And then, in my case, I talked to my sponsor sometimes, or I talked to, you know, family or friends, and fortunate to have another family member, she actually went to Retreat a month after I did. We talked sometimes. Yeah, it's a comprehensive approach it really is.

Steve Martorano 

Did you find it particularly difficult to repair the damage done to your relationships with friends and family?

Garry Moore 

Yeah, I mean, I lived a life just running away, you know, kind of. And that's not something that, you know, you fix in a week, or a day or night, or even these nearly three years that I've been, so it's, it's going to take a long time to really sure to work through that stuff.

Steve Martorano 

Finally, here, I mean, because we want to give people some idea of what this is like on a day-to-day basis. Relapse scares the hell out of people who don't know, really what relapse is about. It's not part of recovery, but it certainly occurs. How do you avoid it? Do you I mean, do you worry about relapsing? Do you get urges and have to work against them? How do you avoid relapsing?

Garry Moore 

Well, again, having that support system there, because there's people kind of looking out for you. Really just working through the fellowship, you know, going through the steps, and the mental health part of it as well. Um, fortunately, I no longer have the cravings for alcohol. I stopped taking the opioids shortly after that period of psychosis I had and I'm kind of terrified of them. As a matter of fact, I had surgery recently and had to take painkillers afterward. And that was my biggest apprehension leading up to it. I had no problem going under the knife but it was after that and taking that medicine. But being aware, and knowing that you can't do that stuff was kind of, for me anyway, that was the first part of it. And then it's like, how do you not do that stuff? And like I said, it's for me, it's, it's being a part of the 12 Step program. It's maintaining my mental health, as you said, it's communicating directly and honestly, with those people, and then I know that they'll be there for me, and vice versa, hopefully.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, you know, Gary it's a remarkable story. You know, a lot of people starting out where you did with the things that happened in your family and your physical condition might not have gotten to where you are three years sober. (Your) family relationship with your kids, it's good. And the desire, obviously, you know, not to go back down that road. This proves, you know, it really does prove in my mind, why it's a good idea to have folks we call "Voices in Recovery" on the program. Thanks so much. I appreciate this. There's somebody out there going, Wow, what should I do? What advice would you give them?

Garry Moore 

Reach out for help. You know, don't...don't keep that stuff inside of you. Don't try to do it yourself. Don't beat up on yourself. Don't tell yourself that you're a bad person and that you're never going to be straight. Reach out, and get some help. You know, for me, was Retreat was the start of that. And then the maintenance. You know, once...once you reach out for help, and somebody's helping you, you've got to stick with it. You know, it's like so many things in life. It takes work, you know, you got to be dedicated to it.

Steve Martorano 

Garry Moore, thanks so much. We appreciate your time. Thank you for sharing the story. I think it's been a huge benefit for people. And continued success, of course. Everybody else, thank you for joining us on the Corner. A couple of reminders for you. We appreciate hearing back from you. We love the feedback like us, if you'd like us on Facebook, there are ways to also write a review, if you like. And it's really easy to push the subscription button, by the way. So you know the subscription doesn't cost you anything. But it'll be able, you'll be able to stay on top of what we've been doing here on the program. So thanks again to Garry. Garry Moore our guest. And thank you for your time and we'll see you on The Behavioral Corner real soon. Gary, take care.

Garry Moore 

Thank you.

Retreat Behavioral Health 

Retreat Behavioral Health has proudly been serving the community for over ten years. Here at Retreat, we believe in the power of connection and quality care. We offer a comprehensive holistic and compassionate treatment from industry-leading experts. Call 855-802-6600 or visit us at www.retreatbehavioralhealth.com to begin your journey today. 

The Behavioral Corner 

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