The Behavioral Corner 

Hi, and welcome. I'm Steve Martorano. And this is the Behavioral Corner, you're invited to hang with us. As we discuss the ways we live today. The choices we make, the things we do, and how they affect our health and well-being. So you're on the corner, the Behavioral Corner, please hang around a while.

Steve Martorano 

Hey, everybody, welcome once again to the Behavioral Corner. My name is Steve Martorano. I'm your host, I am the resident "hanger out in chief". I've told you this every week when we meet on the Corner here. It's our hope that you know a lot of people will come out of their stores and be crossing the street and invariably, we find somebody fascinating. And that's certainly the case today. Although it's a very difficult story, our guest has to tell, you know, cancer visited our guest Suzanne Miller and her life in a, particularly cruel fashion. When both she and her husband, were diagnosed with the disease. She is with us to share that story of that battle, which she is now a survivor of clearly. But unfortunately took her husband. She found great comfort in all this if it's possible to find any comfort at all, through the practice of yoga. And we'll find out a lot about that, as we welcome her to the Corner. Suzanne Miller, thanks for joining us.

Suzanne Miller 

Hey, Steve. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Steve Martorano 

We thank you for this is a tough topic to talk about. But let's begin at the beginning. When were you and your husband diagnosed with this disease?

Suzanne Miller 

If you don't mind, I'm going to take you back even further. And this plays into my whole story and just these common themes I've found in my life. But in 1980 my mom was diagnosed with cancer, pancreatic cancer. And she and I hate to use the word battle. And I'll talk about that a little more. But let's just say she journeyed with cancer for three years. And so she died in 1983 in my living room, in a hospital bed. So, my senior year in high school was all about helping take care of my mom, seeing my mom in this living room in this hospital bed, like just watching what cancer was doing to her. So now, let's fast forward to the current day story. So my husband was diagnosed in 2009. It was just days before our 20th wedding anniversary and so he often joked, yeah, for our wedding anniversary, I gave you a brain tumor. So he had a great sense of humor, a great approach to life. So he was diagnosed with an astrocytoma and a peanut tumor, which is a childhood tumor. And that's still a little bit of mystery. So he was treated for both tumors. So we actually spent time at CHOP as an adult, getting treated. Yeah.

Steve Martorano 

How old was your husband at the time?

Suzanne Miller 

He was 45. Fast forward three years, he had a year of really intensive treatment, both chemotherapy, and radiation. He went from, you know, 180 pounds, healthy, handsome, intelligent man to about 125. (It) took them down to like, nothing. I don't think one of my legs would have fit in his little tiny jeans. Skinny boy. The reason I started with the story with my mom is that's where we ended up as a family moving him into palliative care in our home, so we literally brought him home to die. And once again, I had a hospital bed set up in my living room. And it wasn't me watching a parent die helping to take care of them. It was my kids. So same age.

Steve Martorano 

I'll stop you here for a second just to ask you. Did your experience with your mom help you shepherd your children through this process?

Suzanne Miller 

Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, I think what. No, not "I think" I know what I shared with them was "you're gonna survive this." You as a young kid they were in seventh grade and ninth grade. This is hard but you're gonna be such an empathetic and compassionate person because of this because I feel like that's what it taught me. I mean, I'm certainly not perfect by any means, but pretty empathetic, you know. And you know, when you're that age, it's really all about you. That's how I remember just thinking, Oh, when's this going to end? This is my senior year in high school, this should be about me, getting into colleges and blah blah blah, and...

Steve Martorano 

That's tough. It's really it's really, really tough.

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah, so I think I was that's a really great connection. Is that yeah, I was able, it was hard for them. But they really showed up and are incredible, incredible human beings today. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, we often talk in behavioral health, specifically with regard to substance abuse issues, that addiction is a family disease. And that's certainly true. And I've heard it many, many times during the show. And it's always struck me every time I hear it, that almost all catastrophic diseases, life-threatening diseases are family affairs. 

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah, they are.

Steve Martorano 

And cancer is certainly is a big one. Now you're not having any troubles while your husband was first diagnosed. Was it during his palliative care that you found out you also had cancer?

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah, so his original diagnosis was in 2009, he had a year of really intense treatment, he was starting to gain his strength back, he wasn't able to return to work. Although he could have him, his brain was still functioning. But he definitely was a changed person. He filled a role at home and just filled in on other things. And I worked. So he had a recurrence in 2012, almost to the three-year mark. It was October. We had a trip planned to Germany to see his sister who was stationed there. That was going to be our celebration, three years and the daggone tumor came back with a vengeance. So canceled the trip and just started the whole process over again, surgeries and treatments. And in the end, he was in the hospital more than he was home. So I don't have family who lives close by and I think another part of this is just the community support that you get, and you need to allow yourself to receive. You know...

Steve Martorano 

That's interesting. I think that's an interesting point. I'm sorry to interrupt you but people really need to understand this. Very difficult for other people, to even talk to families in the situation you were facing. Should I bring it up? Shouldn't I bring it up? Am I supposed to ask for help? You know, being willing to receive their help is a skill, right? You got to work at.

Suzanne Miller 

You do have to work at it. Because you know, I'm independent. And I'm a professional woman, and I'm supposed to be able to handle everything. I can bring home the bacon and cook it up in the pan. You know, I'm sort of falling apart at the seams, but with this really nice smile on my face. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, it's hard to say the circumstances. If you feel like bringing over a casserole tonight, that'd be helpful because I can't cook, right?

Suzanne Miller 

Oh my gosh, you know, sidebar on this. My neighbors are just beautiful and amazing people, they set up a website. They got people to bring us meals, take my kids to music lessons and soccer practice and orchestra lessons, and just wherever there was a gap someone was filling in whether it was Scouting families, neighbors, church, family, coworkers. I mean...

Steve Martorano 

It's amazing. It's so tragic that it takes something like cancer to rally the troops. They're all good people. They were good people whether this had happened or not. But when it happens, and they can rise to the occasion, it gives us...at least it gives me hope sometimes... that people aren't as screwed up as they often seem to be. So anyway, when did you find out you had cancer?

Suzanne Miller 

So it was January of 2013. He had been in ICU for weeks. And so I was always at the hospital after work and then that's where all that support came in to help. I didn't have to worry about shuffling kids or I would call home and say "hey, get that lasagna out of the freezer." So, I was standing in the hospital with him, he was in Bryn Mawr and I do have to give props to Mainline Health System. They weren't amazing with him and amazing with me. All my doctors are there. And that's not I'm not getting paid to say that. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, I understand.

Suzanne Miller 

I'm standing in the room and I had had this hernia for a couple of years. And we used to call it my little alien baby because when I would stretch it would like pop out. So and I'm like my hands on my stomach and the nurses who are just angels on earth with the wings. You can't see what's wrong, honey. And I'm like, Oh, this hernia kind of hurts. I pull up my shirt. They're like, you get down to the ER right now. Like, no I can I have kids at home. So fast forward. I go in on a Saturday morning, they do emergency hernia surgery. I'm on one floor. He's on another floor. My parents came in to help take care of the kids. And I go home, I'm recovering from this hernia surgery and I'm back at work two weeks later, and my surgeon calls me and says you need to come in to see me right away. And I'm like, why have an appointment? He goes, No. We sent your hernia sac out for biopsy. It's just standard protocol. And you ended up sending it up to Harvard to I guess, Mass General because we found cancer cells. And I hung up on them. I said now you're wrong. My husband's the one with cancer in your hospital, okay, I'll see you tomorrow -- bye. And then I proceeded to just break down and I was underneath my desk when a co-worker came over and was like "What is wrong?" Everyone thought it was my husband that you know he had passed.

Steve Martorano 

Did you get this news at work?

Suzanne Miller 

I got the news at work.

Steve Martorano 

Perfect. Wow. So the mind just shuts down. No, this can't be happening. This is a mistake. Just now. Yeah. Were you reluctant, you must have been very reluctant to tell your husband that news.

Suzanne Miller 

He never knew. He never knew. So he was at home. And I had already started my treatment. I had no hair. And I just made it a point to always have a hat on. And he would look at me like what is going on with you. But he couldn't really speak at that point. And he would look at me. And I'm like, "I know, you know."

Steve Martorano 

So this is a conscious decision you made that in the midst of this -- whatever was going on with you as scary as it was -- wasn't going to help your husband in one little bit. He must have understood that on some level. 

Suzanne Miller 

I think you did. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. How long between your diagnosis and his passing.

Suzanne Miller 

I was diagnosed in late January, and he passed on May the fourth in 2013. And then his 48th birthday was the following week. So that's the other recurring theme. Like everyone was 48. My mom was 48 when she died, I was 48 when I was diagnosed, and he was 48 when he died. So I don't know what that number means in my life yet?

Steve Martorano 

I know that's the kind of thing that you just go there must be some significance to it -- and of course there isn't. Except for coincidence. So you really, at that point must have been confronted with two things that were extremely difficult one is mourning, the passing of your husband, and the father of your kids. And "Oh, I've got cancer." How did you compartmentalize that stuff?

Suzanne Miller 

Oh, you know what, I've become a master at compartmentalizing. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, I'll bet. 

Suzanne Miller 

Um, I knew probably around January. No, that's not true. His last Christmas I knew would be his last Christmas. His surgeon was kind enough to say "He's not gonna make it and I would bring everybody to your home for Christmas. Like, make it a bang-up celebration." 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. When you say "kind enough to do that" that's interesting because we know that doctors are very, very reluctant to put an end date on anything because after all, to guess anyway. But he extended that to you. I guess maybe some of his thinking was this woman has other things that she's going to have to concentrate on. Let's make sure she understands priorities here. Did your children know that you had been diagnosed?

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah, they knew. 

Steve Martorano 

You have some tough kids. Suzanne. You got some tough kids.

Suzanne Miller 

You know, interestingly enough, I don't think they in their young age and everything they had been through the last few years and then those last couple months because they w an active part of his caregiving team. Like helping them go to the bathroom, helping change his diaper like what ninth grade kid wants to do that?

Steve Martorano 

So, they're veterans?

Suzanne Miller 

They're veterans. And they are amazing, amazing people. Yeah, they have so much compassion. You know, they'll buy a cup of coffee or a cup of tea for a homeless person just because they think that's the right thing to do. And they don't care what they do with that money, because they just want to be empathetic and compassionate. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, it's a tough lesson. It's a horrible lesson. You're not supposed to have become this aware that the story for all of us ends the same. You're not supposed to be aware of that. See it at home, and now your mom and it's scarier than hell. So your treatment of cancer is how long now? And where are you with regard to the disease?

Suzanne Miller 

I'm eight years out, and I am cancer-free. And I see my oncologist one time a year. And I've tried to negotiate that because I negotiated everything with that man, down to the number of steroids he gave me because I saw what they did to my husband. So eight years out, cancer-free. Cancer itself and treatment are not a part of my life right now. It's really those long-term side effects that I am now experiencing and realizing that's a big part of my life. And that's where the yoga really...

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, I do want to get into that. Two things before we do that. One, you talk about negotiating with your doctor, tragically, you're in a great spot to be able to say, well, I saw what happened with my husband. Now I can have some knowledge about what's going on. People are reluctant to do that because cancer is so scary. If the doctor says stand on your head, people just go "Okay, I'll stand on my head." You felt it important to be a participant in the treatment?

Suzanne Miller 

Absolutely. Two things I said to him. One, you have to keep me alive because I don't want my children to not have parents. So I'm "it" I'm tagged with now being their sole parent. So you better keep me alive.

Steve Martorano 

Great. Might as well put pressure on him. might as well.

Suzanne Miller 

This man's amazing. Not only did he treat me aggressively, and he told me he was gonna because I was so healthy. And I was really in. I was in great shape. And I was taking care of my body, eating right, working out, and doing the mindfulness practice. So he thought, yeah, let's just zapper. And he also knew of another complementary drug, not chemotherapy yet. Not sure what the classification is. It's called Avastin is a protocol used in Europe, but not here in the States. So it was not approved for ovarian cancer. He fought my insurance company wholeheartedly, and he got it approved. Now, it's standard protocol.

Steve Martorano 

Wow. It's wonderful. Well, you know what, yeah, again, all of your horrible luck. You did catch a couple of breaks. He had a real conscientious partner in that doctor and the kids are, kids are obviously a miracle.

Suzanne Miller 

I built the team along with him. I said, wanted to go to Cancer Center...Cancer Treatment Centers of America. And my insurance company said, Yeah, sure, we'll send you to Chicago. I'm like, Well, that makes sense. I live in Philadelphia and my husband's death, and I have two children. Don't get me started. So I thought, all right, I know what Cancer Treatment Centers of America, they have like a more integrative approach. So I just built my own team. And this oncologist said to me, "I know oncology drugs, I don't know nutrition, I don't know, support of your immune system. So I have a doctor." And she worked for hand in hand with him. Now they're partners, they work together to support my immune system. So all the natural things, and she's also a yoga teacher. So...

Steve Martorano 

It's amazing. I mean, look, you know, you lost your husband, it's horrible. Nothing can replace him. But this disease visited the wrong family at the end of the day because you know, okay, you got my husband, you're not getting me and my kids aren't going to pay anymore. It's an impressive story, Suzanne. So let's talk about yoga because yoga is one of those things that... I know I sit around, going, "You know, yoga might be something I should try, that looks like fun." And then I realized that my age, they actually have things called chair yoga. And the idea of being so old, I couldn't do yoga or anything other than a chair, or go, "No, I'm not doing that." And then I see that they're always young, nice women and they're bending. I go, "I can't do any of that." And the other thing that kind of stops me is this sense I have and I know it's wrong that yoga is oversold as some kind of physical activity that's good for everything. 

Suzanne Miller 

Mmmmmm.

Steve Martorano 

So I know that you find it -- and I want to know why you gravitated towards it -- and how it's helped you straight ahead. We're talking to Suzanne Miller. Suzanne Miller is a and I know this is not the right way to characterize you because you're so much more as a survivor of cancer. So visited her family as we've talked about, and she's come out the other side now, eight years cancer-free. It's a great story. And Yoga is a key ingredient in the shape you find yourself in now. This is the Behavioral Corner we have more with Suzanne don't go anywhere.

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Steve Martorano 

Suzanne, let's pick up on this idea of yoga. You found out about it through the medical team you were you were dealing with?

Suzanne Miller 

So I always gravitated towards it because I was super flexible. I was pretty bendy. So like you, I always associate it with that physical like what we call the asanas, the poses the physical part of yoga. And in talking to my natural path name's Jo Hoffman. She gave me two pieces of advice. One was to go to Kripalu Wellness Center in the Berkshire Mountains of Western Massachusetts. And I attended a week-long course called Finding Resilience After Cancer, an amazing course. And then the second piece, she said is "Why don't you teach?" And I'm like, "I'm not a teacher." So she planted that seed because she said, there's also another component, this woman named Tari Prinster is a cancer survivor, a Yogi. And she's created this whole body of work called "Yoga for Cancer" where she...because she knows what it's like firsthand. She's taken the yoga practice and has modified it to help patients who are having side effects like she knows what it's like she knows the limitations you have she knows the how you're going to feel that you know depression, the loneliness, the weight gain, that's another myth like people think cancer, you're going to lose weight, no steroids make you gain weight.

Steve Martorano 

So that's interesting. It's because one size does not fit all with anything. And certainly, someone who has cancer that wants to use yoga, that needs to be considered. Where people like us describe were they approaching yoga as a therapy for psychological advantages or where their actual physical benefits in light of your cancer that yoga could help.

Suzanne Miller 

There's both. This really this whole body aid -- you know, the poses the Asana help the physical pieces, it improves the balance, mobility, it helps support your immune system through all these fluids flowing the cardiovascular, and then the venous return the lymphatic, like when you exercise and those fluids flow, your immune system gets stronger. So that is a part of yoga, that asanas. But then you have the Paniagua the breathwork, where you're learning to focus on the breath. And what that focus helps you with is like not letting your mind race and, you know, think about oh, I have treatment, I have side effects. How am I going to pay my bills? I'm losing my husband, what about my kids? How do they feel like it just quiet that mind and then that taps into that parasympathetic nervous system that relaxation? And that helps your body to not go into that stress mode, the sympathetic nervous system. So what happens is, then your body starts producing cortisol. So now you've got chemotherapy, tearing down your immune system, you have your body in the stress mode producing cortisol. It's a stinking mess.

Steve Martorano 

We almost always look at cancer as a physical struggle. It's a battle again. This invader and it's manifesting itself negatively, physically. And that needs to be taken care of immediately and first. But there's this psychological battle. I know you hate the word, but there's a psychological battle. Because if you're not in the right frame of mind, almost nothing will work. You just said something I don't think I've ever spoken to people who do yoga, make that connection between a physical activity that has deep roots in meditation. No one thinks of meditating as a movement-oriented activity. It's always about stillness. So your body has to slow down in order to slow your mind down. So you can motivate that's not true, though, right?

Suzanne Miller 

No, because I was just explaining this to someone who said the same thing. Once you focus on your breath. In fact, when I learned how to teach, the first cue is breath, breath, body part movement, inhale, arms reach up. That's a nice way to cue because it starts with the breathwork. I like to start my classes with some breath, work, some relaxation, we'll do some like pranayama, where there are all kinds of different pranayama techniques, but you just get in this mindset. And then it really does help to stop your mind from holding on to thoughts, you'll never stop thinking because that's what we are, we're thinking people, but you acknowledge the thought you let it go. And what happens is, when you're focusing on that breath, that movement becomes like a moving meditation.

Steve Martorano 

You underwent some training, it's not like you just took a video course in yoga, and then started teaching this, you took you retrained, now you're licensed in this correct?

Suzanne Miller 

You know, I come out the other side, I have some other health issues that I had to attend to. And they were all a result of very aggressive chemotherapy at 18 weeks, back to back of chemotherapy. And just a little insert on week 16, my oncologist looked at me and said, I never thought you'd make it this far. And I said "Live? he said, "No, make it through these treatments." He said, whatever the team you built is telling you to do keep doing it. Because it's supporting your immune system so that chemotherapy can do what it's supposed to do. That's what happens. The immune system will break down your white blood cell counts will get so low, that a lot of times people can't continue that course of chemotherapy. But mine was. He was amazed.

Steve Martorano 

Well, yeah, I mean, he, you know, a lifetime of seeing what this is a disease that when it's aggressive enough, the treatment, you know, it's true, but it can almost kill you. So, you know, it's a very, very aggressive and very tough regimen, I would guess chemo and radiation. And so you have no doubt yoga pulled you through this and it just everything else?

Suzanne Miller 

Yes. The practice of yoga, staying calm, and not letting those stress hormones, you know, get the best to me. I mean, I could have been like a wired time bomb. I mean, not only did I have cancer, but I'm caring for children. And I'm watching my husband die. Um, you know...

Steve Martorano 

That's a pretty strong testament to how helpful this thing was to you. I know you want to do this in a much broader fashion. And like everything else COVID has slowed that down. Where would you like to take your experience with this disease and your training now in yoga, where do you want to go with that?

Suzanne Miller 

Well, I got my certification, my 200 hours, certification at Nectar Yoga Studio in Phoenixville, amazing teachers there. But I knew all along like my end goal was not just to get certified to teach. I had to get that under my belt in order to go to the next level to teach cancer patients. So last January, I went back to Kripalu the yoga center in Massachusetts, and I trained with this woman Tari Prinster and it was a week-long 45 credit hours. I had to do a practicum to learn how to teach yoga to cancer patients. And it was a tough week because it sort of made me confront old feelings and, all that psychological stuff. But it motivated me to like cancer has been at this huge part of my life. It keeps recurring and I really hope it's done. But the yoga and my own faith and support from all my family and friends are what has gotten me through. So now what do I do with this? I feel like I should giving it back somehow. So I got the certification to teach yoga to cancer patients. And there are specific methodology, she's adapted poses because if you've had breast cancer and you're undergoing like, you know, breast surgery, all those muscles are cut, you're not going to lift your arm or extend your arm or put weight on your hands. And in like a down dog or even a tabletop position. There's, there are ways to modify all these poses, and still keep them active. So you're getting like this moderate exercise that keeps that immune system healthy. I got the certification, I come home. Part of the side effects is my bones and structure are breaking down. So I had back surgery last year now I'm scheduled for two hip replacements.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, it's amazing. You're, you're one tough woman, I'll tell you that. So COVID slows all that down. But you'd like to get inside cancer wards and help people and as soon as the dust settles on this, this damn virus, that's exactly what you want to do.

Suzanne Miller 

Exactly.

Steve Martorano 

Now, we want to help you do that. If, people want to know more about what you're battle and what you're doing, I guess they could...do you have a....is there an email? Or would you rather than just do it through us? We can send it to you. We want people to stay in touch with you.

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah, you know what, let's start with if they would send the information to you as part of my like, okay, what are the next steps, I am gonna build a website just for myself, cuz I'm a graphic designer, and I do those things, and I have connections in the yoga community and also through hospitals and great social workers. So I just need to start to work on my plan. And this is the first step. So I can't thank you enough. I can overanalyze things. And I'm like, this path is unfolding in front of me. Now I have this opportunity. Step one, tell your story. And let's get going, girl.

Steve Martorano 

Oh, man, we're so great. We're so grateful that we were able to do that. I know that you know Paul Altobelli, who is my colleague in this effort, I'm glad he turned me on to you. Anyone, anyone listening to Suzanne Miller's story, who wants to stay in touch no more information about the people she's mentioned, what she's going to do, you can contact the Behavioral Corner on our site. And when she gets her site up, we'll make sure you see that link right away. Suzanne, thank you so much for your continued success. The next time you're on, you have to do a couple of things for us. And you will be back I hope. You have to show us a little of the techniques that you are teaching others. And if you can have your kids drop-in, I want to say hi to them.

Suzanne Miller 

I would love to do that. And I would also love to maybe have a participant of cancer. Someone who's undergoing cancer treatment also maybe come in, you know, be a testament like yeah, this works and, you know...

Steve Martorano 

Any way we can help you do that. Thanks so much again. 

Suzanne Miller 

Yeah. 

Steve Martorano 

And as I said, you look great. Thanks for joining us, Suzanne.

Suzanne Miller 

Thanks, Steve. It was a pleasure and an honor.

The Behavioral Corner 

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