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Ep. 8 - Jenny Delacruz
Jul 20, 2020
When things go bump in the night how often have you heard a small voice ask “Mommy, can I sleep with you tonight?” When Jenny Delacruz heard her small child ask that question the result was her latest book, “Mommy Can I Sleep With You Tonight, Helping Children Cope with the Impact of COVID-19.” Jenny’s with us this time on The BehavioralCorner. You’re invited too.
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Jenny Delacruz is a Haitian-American writer and a licensed counselor who has always loved reading growing up. Born and raised in New York, she was aware of the importance of diversity and how each person has a story that weaves back to generations. She personally appreciates the four elements of hip hop, learning languages, and is a certified yoga instructor.
In her counseling practice, Jenny specializes in family conflicts, trauma, grief, and parenting issues. Jenny is also a philanthropist who advocates for human rights; her work focuses on promoting diversity. Her passion for teaching her children about world history and current events led her to pursue writing and launch her own educational children's book series.
If you want more of Jenny Delacruz's work, check out her first book, Fridays with Ms. Mélange: Haiti. She has a YouTube channel called Storytime with Ms. Mélange where she reads diverse children's books aloud. You can also visit her online at
www.cobbscreekpublishing.com.
YouTube - StoryTimeWithMsMelange
Instagram -
@storytimemelange
Episode 7 - Joi Honer Interview Transcript
"I just want to tell myself that COVID-19 is not real!"
"Trust me son, I do too."
How do you talk to your child about their very real fears? How do you make it better when the world changes into something unrecognizable? When her child can't sleep and things look bleak, this Momma knows exactly what to do.
This all-ages storybook is designed to soothe, comfort, and explain hard topics without leading kids into even more stress. It's the perfect picture book to read with your child to help them understand and work through their confusion, fear, and even anger at the things they cannot do right now.
Episode 8 - Jenny Delacruz Interview Transcript
The BehavioralCorner BehavioralCorner 0:08
Hi, and welcome. I'm Steve Martorano. And this is the Behavioral Corner, you're invited to hang with us, because we've discussed the ways we live today. The choices we make, the things we do, and how they affect our health and wealthy. So you're on the corner, the Behavioral Corner, please hang around a while.
Steve Martorano 0:28
Well, I gotta tell you, I have just mad respect for anybody that can write for a living. I've tried it. It's hard, really hard. And so as I said, you know, if you can, if you can do that and figure out what a reader really wants to read, then you have my respect. You really do. If you choose to write for children, well, then I'm mystified. I am overwhelmed with curiosity. And as I said, envy and just mystery, Writing for kids. It's an amazing thing. So we're really lucky to have somebody who does that to a fairly well, Jenny Delacruz. We ran into Jenny here in the corner. She's Jenny from the corner now. And she is an accomplished author, as I said in a couple of genres, actually history and nonfiction as well, but children's books that we're going to be talking about. She is a publisher and in fact, She's the founder of Cobbs Creek, publishing in the Philadelphia area. And if that weren't enough of a resume, this Dela Cruz is also a licensed counselor. And in her practice, she has dealt with all kinds of family issues, from conflicts and trauma, grief, grief counseling, the kinds of things that we all need to get better at, in general, but certainly, at the present moment in time, so we welcome Jenny Delacruz to the Behavioral Corner. Hi, Jenny.
Jenny Delacruz 1:52
Hi, Steve. Thank you for having me today.
Steve Martorano 1:56
It's my pleasure. You know, this is a great corner we've created here we run into all kinds of interesting people. And so we're we're glad to grab you, uh, I guess on the way back from somewhere. So Jenny, I am serious about about writing I have just, it's just a very difficult thing to do. To do. Well, it's practically impossible. And you have been very, very successful at that. Jenny's latest book is entitled Mommy, Can I Sleep with you Tonight? We're gonna find out about that straight ahead. But before we get all going on that tell us a little about yourself. Where were you from?
Jenny Delacruz 2:27
Originally from Brooklyn, New York, born and raised. You know, I'm a first generation American, my folks from Haiti. You know, I always knew that I would be serving in the helping professions, whether it be a police officer or a teacher, I was always dra a moment and this is the direction that I needed to take. Now, I live in Philadelphia. I came here to get my master's in counseling from Philadelphia Biblical University, met my husband. Now we have two boys in the house. The rest is history. So we're going to be here for a little bit.
Steve Martorano 3:16
You know what, it's always a better day when the city of Philadelphia which is my hometown, steal somebody fro m Brooklyn. So welcome...welcome down here. Thanks. So, Jenny white, why did you choose to write for children? What was the what was the impetus for that?
Jenny Delacruz 3:34
My own very children inspired me. For instance, my first book Fridays With Ms. Mélange, Haiti, was really born out of frustration, because I wanted to teach my six year old son about the history of Haiti, but could not find a book to do that. And do not look through Interlibrary Loan, Amazon and the closest thing I could find was a chapter book. And so my husband said Why don't you write it? And so I thought, okay, I'll just put something together for the house, you know, like, where your house t shirt, huh? Nobody has to see it, make a big deal out of it. And then, you know, see, I started putting so much work into so much research. And and then I really wanted to be intentional about promoting not only emotional challenges, and my very own children, but critical thinking skills. And so I had to put all that work into the book. I was just thinking, you know, it doesn't make any sense not to publish this book. And that's how I guess the writing bugs started.
Steve Martorano 4:39
So did you let your husband read it as you were writing it? Or did you let the kids read it as you were writing it or did you let anyone read?
Jenny Delacruz 4:46
It was a little bit of both. My husband definitely was right there checking it out. And he really motivated me which I really appreciate and, you know, my kids, they've also helped me with illustration, because you know, kids are visual. And so they would say no scratch, that is what you need. So they really helped me with that.
Steve Martorano 5:08
We've written for adults as well. What's the difference if there is any in writing for children as opposed to writing for an adult reader?
Jenny Delacruz 5:17
I'm actually yet in the process of writing my first adult book right now. And I would say, you know, when you consider an adult, I'm really trying to get in the mind of, for instance, right now, teachers because teachers tend to follow my work and I really want to provide great material for them. So I'm really considering what they're concerned about, what are the issues they're dealing with what is really lacking, perhaps, where they can use support? And so right now I am writing a guide, more so called How was your Summer? because you know, it's And we're going to meet in the fall, given light of everything we went through with COVID. And seeing all the unjust death of black lives in our media. And so that's what I'm working for. You have to really break things down in a way for a child to understand. And that's not easy. Because, you know, I talk to you, Steve, and I know that you understand what I'm saying. But it's almost like when I talk to children, I have to translate what I'm saying in a way that they can understand. It's like speaking a second language.
Steve Martorano 6:34
You know, adults like to think we're the only people around who have inner lives. And if you're another adult and writing for an adult, you think, well, I have an inner life. And I have anxieties and I have problems and so I can just write to that perspective. Children have very deep inner lives, don't they?
Jenny Delacruz 6:51
Oh, they do. They do. But you know what, I find that every really great children's book is for adults, too.
Steve Martorano 6:58
Should be right. Guess you read to your children a lot growing up, right? kids like to be read to that's interesting. They may not be readers right away, but they love to be read to.
Jenny Delacruz 7:07
Yes, it's amazing because reading is so important, you know, even when children are toddlers, you know, as young as three, five months, you would think w ell, well, you know, how much is a toddler going to pick up? But believe it or not, a child has to hear a word at least 1000 times before it's in their vocabulary. And so, when you read to a child daily, when that child becomes a teen, for instance, they may have thousands more words than their peers who have not been read to so it's a game changer. It really is.
Steve Martorano 7:49
Tell me about the latest one Mommy, can I Seep with you Tonight? what's what's it about?
Jenny Delacruz 7:53
It's about a boy who had a hard time going to sleep because he had big feelings and big fears surrounding COVID and he goes to his mom so that she can comfort him the best way. She knows how. And this is based on a true life story because let me tell you see, on April 5 at 4am, my son knocked on my door. Mark four year old, he said, mama, can I sleep with you tonight and he was sharing all his failings and fears and of course, you know, after listen in and hear what he had to share, he fell right asleep. And I was up and I did what I always tell my clients not to do, try to go to sleep and not pick up your phone. I pick up my phone. The next day, you know, I thought writing this book, I wrote my ideas on things that have seen in my community and with my clients with my eyes and I just kept writing and writing. And finally when the sun came up around six -- I kid you not -- I had my first draft and I went to my husband. And I shared this with him right before he was getting ready to go to work. And he said, Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. And he said, I remember feeling all those feelings all at once one day at work, and he said, you have to publish this. And that's when I knew
Steve Martorano 9:20
Okay, you're on to something here. Let me let me ask you a question when you're when your son crawled into bed that night, and you know, it's as common of experience mommy had a bad dream or something like that. But when he began if you said for it was a little one right? When he beat when he told you that he was anxious or frightened about this virus, I guess. Were you surprised if he had been thinking about it that deeply.
Jenny Delacruz 9:24
For some children, they process more at night because they're so busy playing. And then when they go to sleep, that's when they start to have dreams. They start the process, I think, you know, he just was awakened by the dark and maybe he couldn't go back to sleep. My younger son tends to be a nice processor so I already knew the deal like Oh, hey.
Steve Martorano 10:05
Well, you know what, I guess it was Bob Dylan who said Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet? and that happens to anybody and it must really happen to kids. So you brought to this effort, not only your skill as a writer, but you have a background in in counseling and mental health counseling. Some of your specialties talk about that.
Jenny Delacruz 10:29
I'm a licensed professional counselor, and I provide services to individuals struggle with trauma, relationship issues, grief and loss, domestic violence, and career challenges. I also specialize in working with children play therapy, but due to COVID-19 now I'm pretty much like running summer camp for my kids at home. So I have my sessions, virtual sessions in the evening. So now just serve as adults for now. But I'm also running, which I really excited about a black woman therapy support group. And this is a space where women of color can share just how they've been impacted by racism. And so that's been really healing to for my clients. Thanks for asking.
Steve Martorano 11:26
Yeah, let me ask you about grief counseling, grief, which is a common enough unfortunate experience for all of us has been turned on its head by the virus and that when when when we lose people, we lose them suddenly out of sight. There's no you know, real ceremony to mark the end of the life and, and closure. What's it like counseling children about, about grief? How do you tell them to process that?
Jenny Delacruz 11:58
That can be really challenging. And I believe that is important to us their mode of communication, right? Instead of them trying to meet us at our level, we get down to their level. And so it will look like engaging in play using art, to encourage children to express all the changes that are taking place because children do process grief differently than we do. And at the end of the book, I do provide a list of resources for caregivers, parents and educators so that they can feel equipped to okay, this is a beautiful story, but where do I go from here?
Steve Martorano 12:44
So let me ask you about, for instance, using art, we've seen this and depicted and even practiced in real life where you ask children to draw what they're feeling and thinking. I guess when I see it, I always think Well, yeah, but what What does a parent do when they're looking at the picture? Or do you help parents to be able to decipher a picture a kid has drawn to look for clues about what they might really be feeling. How does that work for you?
Unknown Speaker 13:12
You know, that's a great question. I think it's really tricky, because, you know, you can look at a picture. And for one children can be picture can be one thing if another children a different thing. And so I like to encourage children to interpret their own artwork if they can. For instance, I know that when the social distancing started, my youngest son was hit really having a hard time one day and so I gave him a piece of paper, some crying, I said, You know, I want you to draw how you're feeling. And he really went out. I mean, he was really like, you can see the frustration as he was even drawn, like the tension that he placed on the crayons, and I said, what's going on? Next thing, I know he Just draw a picture of me, Steve. Oh, wait a minute. He shared how frustrated he was. Because the things that he wanted me to pick up from the grocery store. I'm sure you remember when a lot of things was just out of stock, right...
Steve Martorano 14:13
Yes, yes, yes.
Jenny Delacruz 14:14
...when everything started, and he, he never went to the grocery store with me. But just as frustration and not being happy,
Steve Martorano 14:24
you know, that's such a great, that's such a great thing to share with you. Because when my wife sends me to the store, I always come back and disappoint her because I gotten the wrong thing. Or I forgot and she, you know, obviously, is, you know, very expressive about it. Oh, no, you got the wrong thing. But now he's depending upon you, the kids are depending upon you on getting the stuff they need from the outside world because they're cut off from it. And so it's just great that he's able to express that. What about the toll on kids with regard to being separated from you know, their peers, I mean, play dates are suddenly emerging again in a safe kind of socially distant fashion. But for the longest time kids were just, you know, whoever they had with them in the house, was it? That's taking a toll on kids as well, isn't it?
Jenny Delacruz 15:12
Absolutely. Especially for kids? Who are extroverts, right introvert might say, yeah, this is nice. I don't have to go to soccer practice.
Steve Martorano 15:21
Right, exactly. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 15:24
But for those who get their energy from being around others, even more challenging, and I would say, it's important to be creative, you know, as parents, okay, we can't do that. But let's have a zoom session and invite some of your friends and interact with them that way. Let's do something active as a family, you know, you know, I to set up a new routine because the old routine has vanished. Yeah, I think that's so important.
Steve Martorano 15:54
Yeah, the zoom thing is interesting, because while adults may have a difficult time communicating that way, kids probably are looking forward to hey, you mean I can actually go online I can actually look at a screen because many parents spend a whole lot of time saying, get your face out of that iPad and get over here. So I'm sure zoom has been though and FaceTime has been, has been terrific for them. We're talking to Jenny Delacruz. Jenny is the author and publisher. She is a licensed counselor on family practice matters. And she's hanging with us here on the Behavioral Corner. You should be hanging with us as well. And by the way, looking for us wherever find her podcasts are had iTunes, Google, plus Stitcher, I can't remember them all. Anyway, we're the Behavioral Corner and we hang and we talk to interesting people.
The BehavioralCorner BehavioralCorner 17:07
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Steve Martorano 17:55
Jenny, let me ask you about some family issues. Now. I know conflict is certainly something you've done in your clinical practice. And there's conflict, and then there's conflict. And now we have brand new conflict. And one of the things I keep reading about and in fact I've experienced in my own life is that when when there is a disagreement within the family, about how to respond to this virus, some people are, you know, have the abundance of caution. Other people are going, you know, well, maybe we're not to be that careful. And sometimes it happens, right in the same family. How do you counsel families on sort of mediating that gulf?
Jenny Delacruz 18:34
You know, it's challenging beca use you have such a diversity of families, the way they dance, you know, relate to each other. And I strongly believe that will may work for one family may not work for the next. And so I think it's re ally important for me as a therapist assess what the family needs are to give them an oportunity to express the direction they want to go, and really help empower them and guide them to do it. So they don't feel like wow, you know, Jenny did that. No, you did that. And I think consistency is key. So regardless on what family A, B or C decides on, be consistent about it, and I think that will go a long way. But you know, at the end of the day, I do believe that this strength and humility and so, you know, if a family is able to say, you know, let's get help, that's good support. It really does allow that family to grow and flourish because you know, and I'm sure you have friends who, the same way they were at 10, 20, every decade, they remained the same. You know, they're stuck in their ways. And then you have people who just flourish and I think it's that mindset of being teachable.
Let me ask you a tough one now because parents have had to, in a very rapid order, develop all kinds of new skills. We've been talking basically about the inner life or this psychological life of our children. And now, parents have to deal with that as usual, but also they've suddenly become home schoolers. Do you have advice for people out there that may be at their wit's end about homeschooling?
It's interesting, because I remember I kid you not first meeting that I had with my son's kindergarten teacher with the other parents. And she was like, okay, you know, she said, All right, get all the kids off the screen, get them to play or something. And then five minutes later, was just the adult and she said, How are you guys really doing? Like, how are you really, really doing? And everyone's like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Listen, I was like, I was like, this is a mess right now. Okay, I'm working. I'm doing this. And you know, I was vulnerable. And I think that by being vulnerable. it allows others to say, Hey, you know, maybe this is hard. So I find that people, for one have a hard time saying that it's hard. I need help. But I think now people are starting to do that, you know, at the beginning, everyone wanted to hold it together. But there's still some who struggle with that. And I think that, you know, it's important not only to get help from your administration and other families, but to also get mental health if you need and I'm always the first to say as a licensed professional counselor, I get counseling as well.
Steve Martorano 21:38
That's a tough one for some people. Some people feel that you you know, that's that's a weak way out and you got to soldier on and you know, get it done. And that and that, that can be a problem. It's particularly a problem. I correct me if I'm wrong. In the community, you have a special interest with the next minority communities. Life is difficult. To begin with, when these other issues of psychology and emotions come up, and they're a problem, a lot of those folks just go, come on, toughen up, get it done.
Jenny Delacruz 22:10
Well, you know what, I think s ome of it is a distrust. I'm not sure who this counselor is. I'm not sure if they're looking out for my best interest. So it's just a distrust towards society as a whole, that whole idea and I think another part of it is, well, you know, I can get that through my, you know, religious organization was the church. And I don't need a counselor, you know, this is not something that we do, you know, unfortunately, not having the money to support, You know, not having that access to those resources. And so, you know, it's so multifaceted but the good news is that I believe stigma is breaking. It's breaking down. And I believe that people had time to really sit still, you know, the sport shows has turned off. And, you know, people are not able to do the things that they normally do. A lot of people unfortunately, laid off and they just had time to think. And perhaps realized, you know what I need to deal with these issues that I've been hiding under the rug.
Steve Martorano 23:23
Yeah, they're precious few distractions at this point. Jenny Delacruz is our guest. Jenny is an author and a licensed counselor. We're talking about kids their inner life, and getting us all through this pandemic as best we can. Jenny, you said that you were working on a book about teachers. And, yeah, the big question in front of everybody right now, whether they're thinking about it or not, is, first of all, stay safe from the disease. Secondly, get the economy back on its feet. So everybody go back to work, but sort of buried under all of this is none of that can happen. We figure out how to get the schools back open. Are you worried that we're not? We're not thinking about that enough? And because sometimes it seems like it's yeah, everybody thinks, well, the schools will open in the fall. But what are teachers telling you? You talk to them a lot?
Jenny Delacruz 24:15
Yeah, you know, I think to be honest, teachers are not really sure what's going to happen, because you have some educators who are looking at the CDC guidelines and are saying this is nearly impossible to follow through, especially in schools where they have limited resources, like how are we going to really follow these standards? And then, you know, you have young especially younger children, you know, six feet apart and keep your mask home all day?
Steve Martorano 24:51
Yeah. How are you going to keep up? I keep looking for more and more stories about it, but and I've talked to some educators and everybody's right where you said they were wondering we know we have to do this. But really can we do it? Jay, we only have a couple of minutes left here. Now you still have the YouTube channel. I want to tell people about that as well.
Unknown Speaker 25:09
Yeah, so my youtube channel is called StoryTimeWithMsMelange. And there I read diverse picture books for children. And each story ends with a question to promote critical thinking skills. And to be honest with you, Steve, I find his channel way before I started writing. And so I support various children's book authors there and I also have an Instagram called @storytimemelange.
Steve Martorano 25:35
Look for that you just go on YouTube and put that in and you'll see Jenny smiling and very attractive face and look and the book is sold just everywhere. Right? Mommy, can I Sleep with you Tonight? It's on Amazon and everywhere else, right?
Jenny Delacruz 25:48
Yes, along with my first book as well. If you can check out your local bookstores and ask them to order it and we can support a local business. Well, good idea,
Steve Martorano 26:02
Jenny. Thanks so much. We appreciate bumping into you here on the corner. And maybe maybe when the new book is is finished down the road, you can you can join us again on the Behavioral Corner. That would be great.
Jenny Delacruz 26:16
Yeah, I would love that, Steve.
Steve Martorano 26:17
Good talking to you. Bye bye.
Jenny Delacruz 26:19
Bye bye.
Unknown Speaker 26:26
That's it for now. And make us a habit hanging out at the Behavioral Corner. And when we're not hanging, follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, on the Behavioral Corner.
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